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    How to Scare Small Children

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    Ketchup Girl
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    How to Scare Small Children

    Post by Ketchup Girl on October 5th 2011, 9:29 pm

    This is a tried-and-true method that I have tested multiple times at the Troy Public Library (where it works especially well, given how narrow the aisle in the manga section is.) It works on middle-schoolers, freshmen, and other small mammals. And it's a lot of fun to watch.

    How To Scare Small Children Lurking In The Manga Section Of The Library

    Premise: You are standing at the end of the row of manga. Perhaps you like manga. Perhaps you are an otaku. Perhaps you hate manga with a firey passion usually resolved for archrivals and internal assessments. Either way, you enjoy scaring small children.

    In the middle of the rows of books, you see a small child.

    Step 1: Slowly begin walking down the row of manga. Do so slowly and deliberately, but at a more or less constant pace. Slowly advance towards the small mammal. To avoid appearing suspicious, actually look at the manga on display, maybe even take out a volume or two. Do not, however, stop for extended periods of time. You have a goal to achieve.

    Step 2: Approach the small mammal. It will most likely be crouched down in the center of the row with a few volumes of manga at its side, and probably reading a volume at the moment. (Bonus points if it does not have merely a few volumes, but an entire basket full.) (Bonus bonus points if said stack of manga includes more than four volumes of Naruto.)

    Step 3: Stop walking. Look at the manga on the shelf intently. The small mammal, sensing your need to move on despite the lack of space, will hurriedly pack up its manga and move further down the row. (Bonus points if it drops several books in the process.) (Bonus bonus points if it leaves them there.)

    Step 4:
    After the small child has gone, continue your move forward. Continue moving slowly and deliberately. The small child, in its desperate, ill-fated quest not to disturb you, will continue moving further down the row. In this manner, you can easily scare the child all the way down the row and off the end.

    Step 5: Congratulations. You have scared a small child. If you want to rub your victory in everyone's face, walk off without a single volume of manga. ("Oh, I was just looking!")

    Bonus points if the child returns from the opposite end of the row and you successfully scare it off again, using the aforedescribed method.

    Bonus points if you achieve the whole practice while clutching a copy of Twilight.

    Tips:

    DO NOT ATTEMPT IF:

    - The small child is bigger than you.
    - The manga section you are in is wide enough to easily accomodate two people.
    - The small child is someone you actually know, who would have no trouble asking you what the hell you're doing.
    - You get bored of waiting for the child to move and end up turning around on your own. This, my friend, means you were out-intimidated by your prey. There is no greater shame.

    Other tips:

    - Actually look as if you're searching for manga. If you simply charge in with a "I WILL SCARE YOU, SMALL CHILD" look on your face, the small mammal will sense your intentions and stay put.
    - If you are vertically challenged, keep your arms crossed and look slightly annoyed. Ideally, the look on your face should be as if
    you are only in the manga section to find a volume of Prince of Tennis for your little sister, and you don't know where Prince of Tennis is and think it's a retarded series. These tactics will make up for any vertical disadvantage you may possess.
    - Do not look excessively eager when going past the Bleach section. You will lose any intimidation power you may have previously possessed.
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    ZeroCyanide
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    Re: How to Scare Small Children

    Post by ZeroCyanide on October 9th 2011, 12:16 pm

    Make this a book and sell on Amazon for profits.
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    Sophie

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    Re: How to Scare Small Children

    Post by Sophie on October 25th 2011, 6:28 pm

    This is GENIUS. Wow.
    Okay, I know what I'm doing next time at the library lololol~


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    ZeroCyanide
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    Re: How to Scare Small Children

    Post by ZeroCyanide on October 26th 2011, 9:11 pm

    But Sophie...You look incredibly non-threatening.

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