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    At Night.

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    iKevinly
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    At Night.

    Post by iKevinly on August 5th 2011, 2:37 am

    At Night.

    "Nicest.
    Cutest.
    Happiest.
    Most sincere."

    Hannah laughed and patted her girl friends.
    "No, c'mon girls. Honestly, stop!" Hannah laughed as her friends kept going on with a list of characteristics that they believed Hannah was. "You guys are so, SO nice! Thanks."
    Hannah hugged her friends as they left the party. As the last girl left and the front door sounded as it was shut, Hannah sighed at the beautiful day she just had.

    She walked up her creaky, wooden steps and entered her bright pink room.
    A tear drop fell.

    ~*~

    The birds chirped as Hannah opened her eyes to the bright sunlight. She noticed that her phone was practically dying from so many texts and smiled as she read them.

    "Oh my god, Sarah you're so-- Ahh!!!" Hannah giggled as she read Sarah's cheesy yet meaningful text to her.

    [Hey Hannah! It's Sarah. I'm so SOOO sorry I couldn't make it yesterday for your party! Anyways, happy half-birthday! I wish I celebrated half-birthdays. Oh my god, that'd be amazing! Wouldn't it? It'd be like. DOUBLE THE PRESENTS. DOUBLE THE YEARS! Ahaha, I know right? Anyways, we should soo hang out soon!

    The sun settled itself in the middle of the sky.
    Hannah was sitting by her T.V., relaxing in her couch when someone knocked on the door. Nessie, Hannah's best friend from elementary school, jumped into her house and immediately found her way to the sofa where Hannah was sitting.

    "I KNEW IT! You were so being a lazy couch potato!" Nessie shouted as she pointed to the butt-print in the couch.
    "Oh, shut up Nessie. I know you do that too!"

    Nessie laughed at Hannah's honest response.

    "I know, I know. Anyways, can you believe that our year is almost done!? We're almost done with high school! Oh my god. It's May, we're both seniors. We've known each other for like, how long has it been?"
    Hannah giggled. "Too long?"
    "Yeah, definitely. I'm so sick of you now! Haha, jokes! But yeah, we've known each other for such a long time! Anyways--"

    The two girls laughed the day away.
    Crickets began to chirp as Hannah began washing the dishes and overheard her parents talking to Nessie.

    "I know right? I swear she's getting so old! Well, anyways, really nice meeting you Mr. and Mrs. Nelsons! I really should go, dad getting worried!" Nessie's flip-flops clicked on the wooden floors as she headed for the door.

    "What!" shouted Hannah as she ran to the front door with soapy gloves on. "You don't say bye to me?"
    Nessie laughed. "But you're soapy!! And I talk to you like every day!"

    The girls laughed and Nessie finally left the house with a wet back from hugging Hannah who was equipped with her soapy gloves.
    The front door closed, Hannah went upstairs and sat on her bed.

    She grabbed a tissue, opened her drawer and stared at the razor inside.
    The crickets chirped outside as Hannah shut her eyes and closed her drawer--putting her, unused, tissues away.

    "No, I won't." Hannah said as she cried herself to sleep.

    ~*~

    The sunlight disrupted Hannah's nightmare and she woke up with a gasp. The smell of her mother's home-cooked bacon instantly splattered a smile on her face as she quickly got dressed and ran down to breakfast.

    Soon, Hannah noticed the day slowly approaching an end.
    The sun began setting as she walked through a nearby park. She saw couples smiling and laughing, enjoying the rest of the daylight.

    "Excuse me, ma'am?" A police officer said, putting his hand on Hannah's shoulder.
    "Oh, yes?"
    "You dropped your phone."

    Hannah, wide-eyed, saw her precious phone in the hands of the police officer.

    "Oh my god," Hannah squealed, "Thank you! My parents would have killed me if I lost it!"
    "Heh, yeah it happens a lot. Just be more careful next time, alright?"

    The police officer patted Hannah and left. The crickets began chirping. Hannah closed the front door, went upstairs, and locked the door.

    She grabbed a tissue.
    She opened the drawer.
    She saw the razor.

    . . .
    The crickets chirped as Hannah went to bed.
    She threw away the blood-stained tissue in her trash and soon fell asleep, a white-cloth wrapped around her wrist.

    ~*~

    "Hannah?"
    A pounding on the door woke her up.

    "Oh! Yeah mom?" Hannah said in a dazed voice.
    "You locked your door, you never do that! Anyways, Nessie is downstairs waiting for you!"

    Hannah jumped up and then noticed the white rag around her wrist. She unrolled it and grimaced at the pain of her skin peeling off with the white rag, and then gasped at the long scar across her wrist.

    "Be right there!" Hannah shouted at the door.
    "Alright sweetie!"

    Hannah went into her closet, grabbed the longest-sleeved shirt she could find, and put it on. She sighed and looked in her mirror. Hannah was smiling.

    "Hey Nessie!" Hannah said as she walked downstairs.
    "Woah, uhm. . . Okay? Why are you even wearing that at this temperature? It's called 'Summer Atire!'" Nessie said as she stared at Hannah's long, Christmas sweater.
    "Oh, just feeling a bit cold. I think I may be a tad sick, but it's alright. Just to be safe, ya know?"

    Hannah smiled and said her words cleanly. Nessie stared at Hannah for a moment, and then giggled.

    "Fine dummy! Whatever you want. Anyways, can I use your upstairs bathroom? I think your dad is using the one on this floor."

    Hannah nodded and sighed, knowing that she was in the clear from Nessie's suspicions.

    The sun began setting.
    Slowly, yet quickly, it began setting.

    The front door closed.
    Hannah went upstairs and locked her door.
    She sat on her bed and stared at her drawer. After a moment's delay, she opened it and pulled the razor out.
    Hannah took off her uncomfortable sweater and examined her scar.

    "WHAT THE FUCK?" Nessie's voice shouted from behind her.
    The window was open and Hannah stared with a scared expression on her face at Nessie, hiding beside her window on a ladder.

    "Nessie? What are you doing here?"
    Nessie jumped in her room and grabbed Hannah's hand.

    "What is this?" Nessie asked in a serious tone, "What in God's name is this? What've you been doing!?"

    The world stopped.
    Sunlight shone in Hannah's heart although the crickets still chirped.
    Hannah closed her eyes for a split second, and re-opened them.

    Perfect tone.
    Perfect words.
    Perfect acting.
    Sunshine.

    "I," Hannah said, looking into Nessie's eyes, "I thought this was a fad. I heard Mike and them were doing it, so. . . Are you doing it? I heard someone say that you were--"

    "No! What! This isn't a fad! Cutting yourself isn't good! What the heck?"
    "Oh my god, they lied to me then!" Hannah's eyes began to water. "I . . . I just wanted to fit in with Mike! You know him, he's always the really cool kid and. . ."

    Nessie looked deep into Hannah's eyes. . .
    But Hannah hid deeper and deeper in her own eyes as sunshine took over her body.

    "Hannah," Nessie whispered. "You can't do this to yourself."
    "I know, I'm so sorry. Freaking Mike and his crew, telling me this was normal!"
    "It isn't! Look, you need to know--"

    As Nessie went on with her speech, Hannah smiled. It was daylight in her soul.

    "Alright?" Nessie ended.
    "Alright."

    A long hug held them together for another minute as Nessie went back down the suspicious ladder beside Hannah's window.

    "Also," Hannah asked. "Why were you by my window again?"
    "Well," Nessie sighed then continued, "when I went upstairs to go to the bathroom, I couldn't help but notice the. . . tissue right by the door in the trash. I was worried."
    "But, it--"
    "And I saw the white bloody rag."
    "Oh."
    ". . . Hannah," Nessie started once more. "Call me if anything ever comes up, alright?"
    "Alright. Thanks, Nessie." Hannah smiled. "You're a great friend."

    The window closed and Hannah saw Nessie get into a car and drive away.

    The words: "Help me, Nessie. Please, I need help right now. Will you be there with me as I tell my parents this? I think I really need to see a therapist," never came out of Hannah's mouth.

    Hannah wanted to say them, but Sunshine blocked those words.
    It was too sunny.

    ~*~
    ~*~
    ~*~

    And so, for two more days, sunshine ruled over Hannah's body. Perfect words, perfect acting. It controlled her, yet also stopped her from feeling a true sunshine's golden yet pure touch.

    Hannah built herself into machine. A perfect machine. One that smiled, one that was amazing in the daylight. People could look at her and want to become friends--no one was mean to her. And then at night, when everyone had their eyes closed, Hannah opened her eyes. Tears streamed down her face and she was so tired. Hannah would fall asleep, and then awaken again. In the sunlight, Hannah awoke.

    Hannah awoke.
    Smiled.
    And then shut and locked her door.
    And then,
    Hannah awoke.

    The eternal fight between Hannah and Sunshine lasted for only two more days. One the last day, her parents ran in her room and questioned Hannah about the bloody rag they found in the dumpster beside their house. They heard from Nessie about the cutting.

    "Mom, I need help. Please, help me. Just hug me. I hardly talk to you and dad anymore, I feel as if we have no more connection. You guys are just, roaming. I've seen the bills, how much longer are you just going to delay telling me that we have to move away? That we need to go to a different house because this house is too expensive now? How much longer? Mike doesn't love me, Nessie has another friend that she goes to as well. She spends most of her night talking to them anyways!"

    . .
    But Hannah never said those words.
    The words that truly came out were an angelic chorus of bright sunlight. A chorus that softened her parent's worries. A chorus that denied her soul of help.


    And then she locked her door as the crickets began chirping.
    Under her bed, stolen from her father's desk,
    Hannah pulled out who she really was.

    She loaded the bullet inside the gun.
    Looking outside, she saw herself. She saw her soul splattered in the night sky. She heard her words chirping with the crickets. She felt her soul come to life in the night.
    Yet, no one else saw, nor heard, nor felt the true Hannah.

    All they ever felt was sunshine.
    And at that moment,
    It wasn't sunshine, was it?
    There was no sun.
    There was only Hannah--- and her--- and her--- and herself.


    bang. . . . .


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    Re: At Night.

    Post by iKevinly on August 5th 2011, 2:43 am

    So woah! What in the world? That's just a bit REALLY depressing, right?

    :) Kudos to Sophie for our little bonding session and really making this story come alive. At first, "At Night." was supposed to be a real story with chapters in the Writing section with its own subforum!
    Then, I noticed how bad it'd be for me to burdon myself with VOID: ZERO (although this is a speical case for VOID: ZERO, and I'll tell you more about that in chapter 2!) as well as One More Time.

    So, it became a short story. I like it, by the way. The short story aspect. I enjoy the vague-ness of the story as well as the alright lack of description in some areas.
    ~~

    It's depressing, I know.
    It's a story about how some people, and as of now, I'll simply say myself, have two personalities. One that the world sees and one that is At Night. Of course, it isn't as severe as Hannah's here--but some people's are.

    I felt the need to tell the world that sometimes--our happiness is what's holding us back. So many times, I've tried to talk to someone about something such as Wayne and it's a desperate time.
    Sadly, they crack a joke.
    They make me smile.
    They say something--anything.
    And I reply with, "LMFAO XD"
    And instantly,

    There's my sunshine.
    That's who they see me as, and they think: "Oh, Kevin's fine."
    And then, they leave.
    And sunshine leaves with them. An impression of who I am, but not who I truly am.

    It's dangerous.
    Yet it happens.
    It affects me greatly, if anything.

    If you do catch me on a sad day or you pull me away from the halls were no one else can see and ask me about something sad such as Wayne Cardoza and I,
    You'll see me.
    You'll see the real Kevin Lee.
    And we may shed tears, and we may bond.
    You'll leave with the impression I'm sad, and in a split second.
    You see me,
    Laughing with my friends.
    Laughing with Amanda,
    Laughing with Emma.
    And you believe that I'm either bi-polar or that I just totally blew you off in our 'bonding' moment.

    If that ever happens, just know. .
    That that Kevin Lee, isn't me.
    It's Sunshine.

    Thanks~

    =]


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    Re: At Night.

    Post by Sophie on August 5th 2011, 12:00 pm

    "How could you."

    Nessie fell to her knees, the wet med splashing itself all over her dark dress.

    "How could you."
    Her tears mingled with the rain, the rain that carried along the tears of the other 324 people gathered at the gravesite. The gravesite of her best friend. Had it been something she had done wrong? Had Hannah been lonely?

    She had always been so happy.
    Always giggling, laughing... wasn't that what girls their age were supposed to do? They had one year left.
    Just one year.

    Just one year until they were finally adults, able to travel the world freely.
    Just one year until they could go to their dream college.
    Just one year until they...

    "I hate you." Nessie whispered, "I hate you, I hate you, I hate you."

    Hiding something? Had Hannah been hiding something?
    How could Nessie have known? If nothing is said, everything is hidden, how could Nessie have been able to help? Dumping everything to the people left behind...
    Had Hannah imagined the chaos that would happen after she picked up that gun?

    Could she have possibly seen her friends crying, her teachers sighing, and her parents...
    Her parents divided and angry, blaming each other for what happened. They were already poor--yet this funeral, the court costs, the divorce...

    But above all... it was the space she left behind.
    The space, it hurt so much.

    There was no one to take that empty chair beside Nessie on the bus anymore.
    No one's house to visit anymore.
    No one to laugh with, to dance with, to play with...

    "How was I supposed to help you, to make you better, if you wouldn't even tell me what was wrong? You hid from me. You... you left without me. Was it my fault? Did I do something wrong?"

    She buried her face into her hands, now sobbing.

    "Why didn't you tell me, Hannah?"
    I could have helped.




    Time out! Mad Skillz

    KEVIN STOP BEING SO DEPRESSED. GRR

    The face people see in sunshine, and the face you see at night, aren't they the same face?
    Both personalities are part of who you are.

    Right Sophie2?
    Yeah, Sophie1!

    See! My personalities get along well with each other.
    You should get along with your personalities too! D:<


    Last edited by Sophie on August 5th 2011, 2:53 pm; edited 1 time in total


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    Re: At Night.

    Post by iKevinly on August 5th 2011, 1:47 pm

    =] Although,
    Sometimes, such as in Hannah's case, Sunshine becomes what other people want to see--And soon the fear of losing her bestest friends force her to stay as Sunshine, not as Hannah.

    It wasn't that Hannah's personalities didn't get along,
    It was moreso that Sunshine was the dominant one.
    Hannah never wanted to lose her friends,
    And she had many more hidden reasons on why she did do what she did,
    But for the short story's sake,
    Her family's debt was her main reason.

    =P I know you were telling me to get along with my personalities, but I feel as if Hannah's personalities reflect mine in an almost exact way.

    ~ <3

    P.S. : THANKS FOR THE little Epilogue xD Ahaha it was . . sad to read.
    Although, a bit. . hmm,
    It made me angry--to be honest.

    Everyone would say that a person who killed himself or herself is a jerk, but I honestly have to say to people.
    "What if it's us?"
    What if Hannah was hurting every night. What was Hannah doing before the first cut? Could she have been weeping every night? Would you want your best friend to hurt for every, single, night?
    And that's the border line.
    The main question of, "What if it's us--what if we need to understand. We can help the person if he/she's still with us, but if the worse comes to worse. . . . . . What if it's us that needs to understand?"

    <3


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    Re: At Night.

    Post by ZeroCyanide on August 5th 2011, 2:21 pm

    SORRY THIS IS SO OFF TOPIC AND HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH ANYTHING BUT
    I THOUGHT THAT YOU GUYS WOULD BE POSTING INNUENDOS WHEN I CLICKED THE TOPIC
    yeah i hang around deviantart too much
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    Re: At Night.

    Post by Sophie on August 5th 2011, 2:52 pm

    Wrong.
    Tsk tsk. xD

    Back on topic:
    Perhaps I've worded it a bit harshly. I meant to take that line out, but I guess I didn't.
    Oops. Sorry! Clumsy.

    However.
    If Hannah really was that depressed, yet she hid it so well...
    Well, how would anyone know?

    Okay, I'll admit. Nessie should have told someone she saw the blood.
    The parents should have never let that drop.
    They should have demanded to see Hannah's arm etc.. etc...
    Bad parents!
    So, in that case, BOO.
    They obviously didn't take Ms. Tonkin's class~

    See, there are lots of definitions to 'strength'
    I think strength of the mind is the ability to pull yourself back up, even when you're falling apart.
    To be able to smile through the pain is strength.
    To be able to keep pushing is strength.
    To be able to resist the end--that's strength.
    If Hannah had just called out, maybe a little, there would have been hands, hearts, minds all flying towards her, ready to help. But the first and last step is up to the individual.

    (I'm sorry, I'm sorry!)
    GEH THIS TOPIC IS TOO DEEP I CAN'T TAKE THIS
    (You're not still mad, are you? ;~;)


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    Re: At Night.

    Post by iKevinly on August 5th 2011, 8:20 pm

    Oh~ <3 When I say I'm angry, it wasn't like . . . Bad, I was just kind of disappointed when people say that the person who died of suicide is a jerk for not thinking about others. People who say that are . . . :(

    Also, Sophie you have to remember the story.
    Your discussion right now is fine! Just remember to tie it in with the story.

    Why didn't Hannah do any of those?

    The story isn't saying that Hannah should have got help--The story is an awareness.
    The story is telling you that sometimes, the other person that we make overpowers us.
    Hannah doesn't have strength,
    Her strength is in her sunshine.
    Her strength is seeing other people happy.

    Remember, the story is more about awareness and Sunshine rather than saving Hannah.
    Hannah's a goner-- she's the end to this story.

    Think about it~ :)
    ~~

    Also, if anything, I know what you mean by the parents.
    Nessie DID tell Hannah's parents on the last day. . . But the way Sunshine works is more devilish than not.
    Anything--everything.
    All experiences in acting,
    All moments with her parents. .
    Hannah pulled all of those out, just to hide.
    Just to make them not worry.
    Just to show the world that she was Sunshine.
    That she was her,
    That she was Hannah.

    But she isn't.
    And that's the key.

    :)


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    Re: At Night.

    Post by Sophie on August 5th 2011, 8:21 pm

    I hate sunshine. >:I


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    Re: At Night.

    Post by iKevinly on August 5th 2011, 8:32 pm

    <3


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