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    Day 7. Family

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    Sophie

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    Day 7. Family

    Post by Sophie on August 15th 2011, 12:21 am

    "...was stuck on that pole for a full hour."
    "No way."
    "Oh yes! We had to trek all the way back to the cabin to get hot water!" Matt dissolved into laughter, as if telling the story made him relive the scene.
    "That's... that's ridiculous!" Laeli couldn't help but laugh along with him, envisioning the story in her head.

    “Avira and I brought you flowers.”
    Out of nowhere, a new voice joined into the conversation. Suddenly, the comfortable atmosphere dissolved and the pleasant expression on Laeli’s face faded.
    She recognized that cold, expressionless voice.

    "Aeon.”
    "Sister."
    Two well-dressed young men had appeared in the doorway to their hospital room.
    Aeon nodded stiffly at the girl in the hospital bed.
    The other cast a quick glance at all the machines and tubes surrounding Laeli.
    “How are you doing, sister?”
    “I am fine,” Laeli replied with a stiff smile. “Thank you for your concern Avira.”
    “We also bought you a few of your textbooks. Mother does not wish for you to fall behind.” Avira held up a briefcase, placing it at the foot of her bed.
    Laeli’s face remained impassive, but a burst of anger flared up inside her. The witch didn’t want her to fall behind? Ironic. As if sensing her rage, the two brothers both smiled faintly, their eyes showing their agreement. Mother was not a well liked woman in the household.

    Their expressions quickly returned to their normal icy cold stare as two other figures walked into the room.

    “I suggested we bring along Alfred, but Avira insisted on carrying those books up himself.”
    “A butler would have slowed things down considerably, mother.”
    “A little longer would hardly have mattered, no? Our dear Laeli couldn’t possibly have gone anywhere.”

    The coquettish voice set Laeli’s stomach churning.
    The witch was here.
    Laeli swallowed her surprise. She cast her eyes down, in an attempt to hide the fearful expression appearing on her face. There was no reason for them to appear so suddenly, unless...

    “We talked to the doctor, have you been notified of the surgery yet?”
    “Yes father, we had a discussion yesterday.”
    “I expect things to go smoothly.”
    “Of course, father.”

    Laeli’s father was not a man whom you could argue with. He had an imposing stature, and a voice that compelled all who heard it to obey. Even though Laeli wanted to point out that she held no power in the outcome of the operation, Laeli knew that her father would merely see that as an excuse.

    An excuse powered by her weakness.

    “I will take my leave, I’ve a meeting tonight. Dear, please take Avira, Aeon, along with you when you leave.”
    “Of course, darling.” Mother giggled, waving goodbye to the man as he left.

    “Oh, what have we here? A cute little boy?”
    Mother seemed to notice Matt for the first time.
    She bent down, until her face was mere inches away from Matt’s.
    “His looks are good enough, but he looks so sickly... Is this really the kind of man you want to stay with?”
    “H-hey...” Matt protested weakly, slowly inching away from Mother.
    The woman frowned, noticing his distress.
    “Laeli, I simply cannot believe you let yourself be placed in this situation. Rooming with a boy? That is hardly appropriate. We shall have to move you immediately.”

    Laeli’s eyes flashed.
    She knew that Mother only said those words because she knew that Laeli and Matt were close. Laeli only smiled coldly.

    “As you wish, mother. But do you not think that moving me now would be too much of a hassle? There will be quite a bit of paperwork. My life might even be forfeit if the nurses attempt to move me now.”
    “I only wish for what is best for you, dear. Paperwork is trifle if it will benefit my step-daughter.”
    Their words were cordial, polite, but held a steely undertone.
    Mother especially pronounced the words ‘step-daughter’, as if it were a foul thing in her mouth. Laeli turned to her brothers, her eyes silently asking for help.

    “Mother, I believe this is not a cause for concern.”
    “Really now, Aeon?”
    “I agree with Aeon, mother.”
    “Avira, you too? You boys spoil your sister too much. She shall grow up into a vagrant at this rate.”
    “You speak as though you believe I will live, mother.” Laeli smiled, “Even though you were the one who said that the car crash was fatal.”
    “Laeli, I will take no more of your impertinence!”

    Mother’s hand raised, poised to strike.

    “Ah! Mother! We have a meeting in fifteen minutes!”
    “Yes, Avira’s right! We should go!”
    “Is that so?” Mother’s hand lowered. She took a breath, then straightened out her fur coat. “Alright. We best be off, boys. Goodbye Laeli, I hope for the best.”

    Without so much as a backwards glance, the woman left.
    Laeli waved a silent goodbye to her brothers as they walked out of the hospital room. When all was quiet again, she let out the breath that she had been holding throughout the entire exchange.

    “Saved by the brothers again.”
    “Wow... she was quite a witch.” Matt groaned, shaking his head to get rid of the frightful memory.
    “Haha, imagine living with that.”
    “Hmm...nope, can’t. Sorry about your family, Laeli. You know, you should come live with mine if you ever feel like running away from home. Silai could use a... a big sister.”
    “I just might hold you to that.”
    “I’m a man of my word!”

    So ended day 7.


    Last edited by Sophie on August 19th 2011, 10:35 pm; edited 1 time in total


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    iKevinly
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    Re: Day 7. Family

    Post by iKevinly on August 15th 2011, 11:38 pm

    =|

    Okay, So. . .



    Laeli's mother is a witch.
    And by witch, I accidently typoed the word. I meant the "w" to be a "b" in witch.
    :(

    I feel so sad for Laeli!
    ~~

    I felt as if I had to, not that this is horrid or anything, read and reread some sentences to really picture the brothers as well as the mother and father in the scenario. The brothers in the beginning were introduced rather quickly and the names began to simply roam around instead of actually having a character: not that that's horrible as sometimes having just that could be best for a non-main character.

    I like how you described her mother though through words! :) That was made nicely.

    In the story-wise aspect,
    Is Matt getting better? :(
    I feel like a small little cough here and there could constantly remind the readers that Matt isn't, in fact, doing too well but!! That's just me :)

    AGAIN,
    DON'T CHANGE ANYTHING UNLESS YOU FEEL LIKE ITS AN ERROR THAT MUST BE CHANGED.
    :) I, again, love your writing.

    ALSO! Before anything.

    Sophie wrote:The witch was here, along with her father.

    The SAT would be ashamed--well, moreso glad to see the error so they could have it as a question~
    :x That. . . came off more mean.
    I'm assuming that this is Laeli's father, but with the "her" it's best to say Laeli's instead of just her since some people may think it's the witch's.

    <3 Love the chapter again! :D


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    Everyone will smile,
    And everyone will be happy in the world,
    And I will be engulfed with No Alarms and No Surprises.
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    Sophie

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    Age : 22
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    Re: Day 7. Family

    Post by Sophie on August 15th 2011, 11:41 pm

    Gah!

    Now that you mention it...
    They seem like glaring errors now. Dx

    Hmm... I'll have to do some work on this chapter then. I re-read it over myself, and it didn't seem to flow either.

    Thanks!


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    iKevinly
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    Re: Day 7. Family

    Post by iKevinly on August 15th 2011, 11:50 pm

    =[ I hope this is coming off the right way.
    If this is acting like. . mean. . xD Tell me.
    Honestly :P

    I'm just trying to do the best I can so when you finish this story and give it to people,
    I'll be like
    Wrong. This story is perfect and I fully support the perfectness of it XD

    :) So good luck!!
    (Try to introduce the brothers just a bit. . . slower I guess. <3)


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    One peaceful, beautiful day,
    Everyone will smile,
    And everyone will be happy in the world,
    And I will be engulfed with No Alarms and No Surprises.

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